Class 10 NCERT Solutions English Chapter 6 - August 1944
August 1944 Exercise 1 August
Anne says that 'contradictions' is a word which has two meanings. One is seen on the outside when a person encounters or has conflicts with others, and the other a person experiences within himself, like a conflict with his own conscience. Anne says that sadly both meanings apply to her life. However, only the former is visible to all. She says that she has been a cheerful and fun-loving unoffended girl all along. One who can crack a joke on anything and never takes life seriously. However, this is only one part of herself. Anne criticises this part by calling it a giddy clown, a simple diversion and a temporary amusement. She says that this side is no comparison for her much better, deeper and purer self. She says that her outer self is like a film character which can entertain people just for a while but does not have any true values. Her criticism of herself indicates that she was not happy with the show that she put up for others. She wanted to be a better person but was not able to achieve it. It was extremely difficult for her to nurture her inner self while being surrounded by people who did not understand it. So, she used her bold outer self as a defence mechanism to shell the pure voice within.
Anne, from a very young age, had been preparing herself for adulthood. She believed that she had seen and lived through much more than any average girl of her age might have. Added to his was her love for learning. She was a well-read girl and understood things much better than many adults. She, therefore, wanted to be seen and acknowledged as an adult. This goal could not be achieved if she let her inner self surface. Although her strength and her excellence in work came from her inner self, Anne knew that she could not risk bringing it out and subjecting it to the mockery of others. Anne called this side frail and sensitive and writes that it was not ready to face the world just yet. Anne feared to reveal this side before people because she knew that it would be ridiculed. Although Anne's outer self was used to such treatment, she knew that her inner self would not be able to bear it and would shrivel up and be lost forever. So, Anne let it surface only when she was absolutely alone and received immense happiness and hope from it.
Anne writes that she had never let her true self be seen by anyone. Only her outer superfluous self was visible to people and therefore they kept names for her. Her outer self took these comments lightly and shrugged them off, but her inner self was hurt every time she was called by these names. Her inner self constantly tried to correct her and change her behaviour but her outer self always silenced her inner voice. She knew that if she listened to her inner voice and became like it, people would not believe her and would scold her for being pretentious. At times, when she did try to turn out her inner self and quietly sat thinking over something, she was questioned and probed by everyone, especially by her family. They all set off to figure out what was the matter with her. When nothing was found, she would be scolded for being in a bad mood. She could not keep up with all this and would eventually snap and push her innocent side deep within. She ends this entry by wishing for a world where no one else but herself existed. Her wish reflects a deep desire to live an independent life on her own terms. A life where there is no one to judge or instruct her.